The life that could have been

Recently, I’ve been kept really busy, making donation runs and phone calls for Project Mexico. It keeps me moving, and wears me out, but I have to step back and realize that I’m doing this for the boys. With that in mind, everything’s a breeze.

Today, I had the pleasure of having one of the older boys, Ricardo, along to help me with donation runs. When you have two or more people in a car, you get pulled over less for a search at the border. Ricardo therefore came along to be that extra there is less of a chance for you to get pulled over to be searched coming into Mexico. In the three and a half months I’ve been here, I don’t think I’ve had a day more focused on Spanish. Being with Ricardo, we talked a lot in Spanish. He and I are pretty similar in how well we speak the other’s language. I would give him a slight edge. There are some words and phrases that he knows in English, which I don’t know in Spanish. We’re able to help each other out. However, I feel I am definitely getting the better end of the deal. Whatever the case spending time with him was very neat. Ricardo is my age, so getting to hear about his life offers insight into what one might expect in Mexico. At lunch we both went out to Panda Express and had lunch together. (I elaborate a little more about this below, but being able to eat lunch with someone from another country, as a friend and brother just feels right. The time spent with him, I felt it was the way the world is supposed to be, two guys from different countries working together like, they had known each other since day one.) At one point I commented to him as we were heading towards the border. I said it was interesting that we were driving from the country of my birth, my home country, and we could see ahead the country of his birth, and his home. We come from different backgrounds, different countries, but we were both in the same car doing the same thing, listening to the same Spanish song on the radio.

Every time I am in one country, looking over to the other, I am reminded how lucky I am to be an American. There are so many thing I take for granted that are not readily available in Mexico. Reading recently, I was able to have some things put in perspective for me.

My mother recently sent me an email with a link to the LA Times. The website had an interactive page focused on Mexico. A large portion of the site, is centered around Tijuana and traveling in Mexico. As many of you have heard, Tijuana has had many shootings and deaths related to gang-related activity. Something one reported said that I had felt but couldn’t say. Tijuana seems normal. When you drive in, you’re driving on paved roads and people act like normal Mexican citizens. As an American, you would think that other than some slight cultural things, everything was pretty normal. However, as you venture farther in, you begin to see the poverty, and the other face of Mexico, and Tijuana. When you search, you see under it all there’s a fear that I’ve noticed among the citizens. People act like a conquered people, from a conquered country. Now this has to do a bit with the history of Mexico. Taking a look back in history you can see that Mexico has been on the loosing side of many wars and this has subconsciously been passed on to generations. However, in Tijuana, I can sometimes see a hint of fear behind a person’s eyes due to the current reign of another power.

Sitting in the border line, I thought how my life would be different if I lived in downtown Tijuana. To be honest, a lot would be different. Most significantly, there would be a good chance, I would be involved in a gang. Through my being in a gang, my family is brought under protection from some, and fire from others. A number of people have asked if it’s scary crossing the border. For me, I really don’t have any worries because I have nothing to hide. However, a big business in border towns like Tijuana is smuggling drugs across. If I lived a different life, I could be sitting in that same line, knowing that I had something to hide. A very expensive setif I was caught a large portion of my life could be spent in a prison. If I did not take the drugs, my life as well as my family could be in imminent danger. If I were a successful smuggler, I might have a great car, but I’d live my life with a heavy conscience hanging over my head. This is the life of many young men my age. From the outside it might seem like a black and white decision. But I’m beginning to learn, here, there are a lot of times in life where one has to make a decision between the lesser of multiple evils.

Thinking about this, I cannot help but be grateful for all the blessings in my life. I also have to thank the Lord that I don’t have to make such difficult decisions. Lord have mercy, on the men in this world, unwilling caught in the web of gang society.

That said, I wanted to share what a transformation my life has become over the last three months, yes, but the last month especially. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m communicating well with the boys. The first few months I often would want to go to the States and speak English, and grab a Starbucks. Now, for the first time, I’m really appreciating my time here. Every moment spent in Mexico, meeting new people, doing new things I realize I only have this time guaranteed. I’m only guaranteed the breath I’m taking, make sure that every moment is spent well.

Traffic has been a recent trend with Christmas around the corner, both in San Diego and Tijuana. A couple times today I couldn’t take the turns I normally take in Tijuana, and I had to find my way through parts of Tijuana. For those who have read my blog from the beginning, you may recall my “terrifying” experiences driving through Tijuana on my own. Not knowing where I was going, and praying I didn’t up in the wrong hands. Now, three months later, I couldn’t feel more comfortable. Driving in Mexico is a real adventure, and now I am able to easily read signs and figure out where I’m going. Mexico is becoming my home away from home. I shared my thoughts about the hints of fear behind people’s eyes, but in almost all cases if you greet someone with a smile, one is sent back your way.

Heading back into a more disappointing topic, something that I’ve noticed recently, is the racial preferences of the culture. There is a form of racism here, now we’re not talking about Ku Klux Klan, but a different type. If you turn on Mexican television you’ll notice that almost all the people are white. Looking around at the bulletin boards in Tijuana you’ll notice the people are white, or very, very light.

This honestly strikes me as rather ridiculous. Growing up in multi-race, multi-cultural California - from day one I never gave a thought to discriminating because of race. I can say with pride that a few of my second cousins are African American. I grew up hanging with my cousin Christian, Kayla and Alexandra. They’re my cousins, but they’re my brothers and sister as well. “What do you mean their skin color is different? That doesn’t mean a thing.”

With that in mind, when I see this discrimination against people with darker skin down here, it is really disappointing for me. Honestly, I find it somewhat ironic. Only a few decades back having darker skin or a different background, unjustly, was grounds for discrimination in the states. However, now all you have to is look at a magazine to notice that having darker skin is a major plus, to the point that having white skin, is not preferred. Life as a child was often painted in a rosy image. Growing up, you realize that the world is not as perfect as it once looked. Sadly, I feel like I’m waking up to another disappointing aspect of life here, one that simply seems pretty ridiculous to me.

Thank you for your prayers! If you get the chance and are able to donate to Project Mexico, please do! We are in a real pinch financially with the economy the way it is.

Project Mexico
P.O. Box 120028
Chula Vista, CA 91912

God Bless!

Joel